- Perspectives: Science of sex; psychology of lust. - Lust highly correlates with self-esteem. Men judged for lack of sexual XP, women judged for having high sexual XP. - Neuroscience of Sexuality - Everything we have evolved for purpose of procreation. - Love/Sex/Lust uses all brain regions, hormones, neurotransmitters. Central to human organism (Purpose to procreate) - Visual centres - Social Status - Auditory Centres. - Oxytocin released any time child breastfeeds. Enables breast to release milk. Also promotes emotional bonds. -  Sexual act with woman releases oxytocin + emotional bonding. - Thalamus: Sensory Centre of the brain. 1st point activated. - See someone: sensory input (see; hear; smell; touch; taste) - EG Kissing activating taste centres. - NAcc (Nucleus Accumbens): Pleasure, behavioural reinforcement, motivation. - Suppresses judgment. When in love, do stupid thing. Suppress parts of brain combining emotion + judgment. Not going to procreate as much if emotional judgment centres active. Dopamine reduces judgment. - Reinforces chasing thalamic input - In love: Presence is intoxicating. - Love/infatuation driven by dopamine system. No achievement, reinforced by purely being around someone. - Reinforces PROXIMITY; thinking about person; craving person. - Dating crisis: S-Korea 1.6 fertility rate. Most developed countries around 1-2. (each female) - Dopamine system over-stimulated by digital technology (social media; pornography etc). Messing with circuitry, capacity for love/lust declines. - Frontal lobes: inhibitory to lust. (regulating / inhibiting other parts of the brain) - Insula: checks body feedback. EG, Know you have an erection. - Limbic system: Emotional processing within the brain. - Amygdala: notices salience. - Pair bonding: Connection; deeper form of love; commitment; building a life together. - Frontal lobe changes. Incorporating information about other human being. - Serial monogamists probably the most natural way for humans to mate (best evidence indicating). - Neuroscience of Lust - Factors for mating - Testosterone /Estrogen increase capacity for sex/lust. - Higher T makes women more sexual. - Increases in puberty. - Cortisol: Higher level decreases lust. - Serotonin (+) INVERSELY proportional to lust (-). - SSRI's decrease libido and make harder to ejaculate. - Serotonin INCREASES contentment. Serotonin hypothesis. - Adding Wellbutrin can decrease sexual side effects. - Sexual Act: SNS + PNS combined. - PNS first, then SNS. - Male Erections: Need relaxation PNS (eg sleepy = boner, morning wood). Prime for sexual activity. Once have erection, will get thalamic input. - Dopamine circuitry - Increased Heart Rate; Blood Pressure - Sexual Act: SNS - Dopamine release for orgasm - Surge of oxytocin (emotional bonding) + serotonin (contentment) in men. - In women - Karma Sutra "Potter's Wheel" Analogy: Don't go straight to 100% speed, gradually increase over time. SNS stimulation in men much shorter (5 minutes) women need 10-12 minutes. - 50% of women say that sex for more than 15 minutes is too long. - = Take it slow. Increase genital blood flow. Use high level of thalamic input (sensory input) which is positive. Wait until women is ready to begin sexual act. - Preserving High Level of Sexual Activity - During new love: highly dopaminergic, craving high, people get to sexual act. Develop dopaminergic/thalamic tolerance (no novelty); to increase value of sexual act need to start using other circuits. - Sex, Lust, Orgasm = emotional regulation technique + natural / easy to do. - Reason why it can be addictive. Sometimes people need to be taught alternative regulation techniques. - People often experience shame after sexual act, leading to depression/anxiety afterwards due to social conditioning. - Psychology of Lust - Societal Associations with Sex - Sex associated with growth + self-esteem, EG losing virginity; marriage (growth milestones associated with sex). - Fundamental Source of Acceptance. Someone is willing to sleep with you. - Status/Respect: Elevated/reduced status dependent on who you are having sex with. - Antidote to loneliness: - Forbidden/Taboo Association: - Source of Identity: "Player/Sexy Person". - Lust primary driver for these needs. - If low self-esteem/growth/status/lonely/: Can be controlled/solved by lust - Lust and sex have been increasingly divorced: masturbation, pornography, tools. Don't need a human being to activate those circuits. = Spike in these behaviours to meet psychological needs listed above. Pornography doesn't solve problems, but provides short-term relief (not fulfilling evolutionary function) - Studies in Women, Lust and Sex Function to Provide - Physical - Stress Reduction - Pleasure - Physical Desirability - Experience Seeking - Goal Attainment - Resources - Social Status - Revenge - Utilitarian - Emotional - Love & Commitment - Expression - Insecurity - Self-Esteem Boost - Duty/Pressure - Mate-Guarding - Lust a problem when used for anything aside from relationships and procreation (Dr K - OPINION). People with a problem with lust are using it for a different reason than evolutionary one (EG emotional regulation). - Promiscuity often very common in BPD (anxious attachment style); uses sex to bind someone to us / create an emotional connection (being held after = surge of serotonin / oxytocin; burst of self-esteem / sense of acceptance). - Often, reason for affair = boredom (mid-life crisis) - Sex for status: EG influencers (often claim "I have sex with whoever I want") - Physical Resources: Scary situation. People can be victims OR, "this is the best way for me to get my rent paid, lowest effort". Willing to trade to sugar daddy/mommy. - Healthy Lust - What is the right level of lust? (Karma Sutra/KS - Dr K: "great dating advice for today's climate") - What daily schedule should be: - How to become a desirable partner: - "If you're not very successful and don't have much money, what groups can you enter that lead to financial success". Becoming a personal secretary to someone more powerful great way of increasing status in society. - During the summer, go near bodies of water / third spaces where you can meet people. - KS has whole sections about how to meet people: Events that run all night (holidays/religious events), you should go. - Social anxiety: People feel they need an "excuse" to be there. KS advise you have natural reasons to be there. - KS Basic Premise: Human being has 4 goals in life: dharma/duty; artha/wealth (some degree of wealth/security); kama/pleasure (good time; lust-sexuality). If done at cost of other 3 = 3 bad; if supporting other 3 = 3 good); mokhsa/spirituality-liberation. Would need to engage in all 4 of these for a meaningful life. - Likes sex vs addicted to sex = impairment of function rather than supporting of function. - Sexuality should be an expression for emotional connection in a relationship. NOT a substitute for emotion. - Avoidant attachment: People can use sexuality to distance themselves from someone, potentially doing them a disservice. - See a lot of toxic misogyny/misandry on the internet = antithesis of dharma (duty); weaponization of lust/sexuality. - Second Screen Pornography Watchers: People may watch pornography from a second screen. - Unhealthy relationships with lust can lead to shame downstream. - Societal judgment of lust. - Table-clothes were invented by Victorians to help avoid exciting lust. - Conservative societies often put blame on object for producing lust (normally in men) - Being a virgin / unable to gratify lust also comes with being low-status / "loser". - When mind feels negative emotions (EG loneliness), it's the body attempt to engage in healthy behaviours (relationships; human connection.) Unhelpful behaviours can fulfil the want without fulfilling the need/fixing the problem (ST relief; LT problem). Motivational drive disappears when using substitute behaviours. - Sex as substitute for love = promiscuous. = drawing people who will treat you like an object. (Narcissist-BPD connection often common). People with BPD experience emotions more intensely, for longer, more rapidly. - How to protect against negative levels of lust. - Brahtdyhara (Sensory Withdrawal): Lust triggered by thalamus / sensory input. Perception leads to lustful drive. Person who feels responsible for lust has control over behaviour. Limit perception of unhelpful lust triggers. - EG pornography + masturbation: dopamine release (craving, behavioural reinforcement, motivation). Creates craving, motivation, reinforcement. - Less you perceive something, less you desire it. - Neuroscientific/Psychological Vulnerabilities to lust, what does lust do for you? - Addictions are substitutes for other stuff. Beating an addiction requires a "competing interest"; replacement works WAY better than stopping. Easier to transition jobs if you have another; having a new relationship to get over an ex. - Emotions come from: - Current Environment: - Negative stimuli (perception/indriya), coping mechanism to regulate. - Need to separate stimulus and response. Jump to something else. - Dormant Experiences: - Sankaras (past negative experiences) - Akin to schemas in CBT - EG: Traumas about being bullied, feeling unlovable. - Psychotherapy helpful here. How to clear out wounds. - Cultivate sources of what lust is giving us - Self-Esteem: Find other sources. - Loneliness: Develop human connection. - Physical Exercise: - Improved cardio-vascular system. - Rigorous physical exercise = reduction in cortisol; decreased stress; reduced brain inflammation. - Anti-Inflammatory Diet: = Easier to cope with lust. - Indulging in desire will increase it, it won't go away. Due to dopaminergic circuitry, whatever you feed will grow. - Every time you resist = weaken. - Spiritual practices better for DIY; clinical practices are more expert-patient treatment. - Yogic Techniques Related to lust - Arta Sittassa:  Place heel  next to perineum (gently) touching. - Mula Pandha: Breathe in full breath of air, contract anus / muscle you contract to stop peeing. - Papers - Romantic Love: A mammalian brain system for mate choice Fisher et al 2006 - The neuroendocrinology of love (Krishna Beahadri) - Defining the brain systems of lust, romantic attraction and attachment (Fisher et al; 2002) - Treatment for anhedonia paper. - Q&A - Meditation effects are accumulative over lifetime. - Battles we fight are more internal, than anything else (1st world etc).